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Should I cancel the wedding

March 20, 2016


Dear D’annie,


I don’t know what to do I feel so trapped.  I am suppose to get married in a month and I know that this is not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.  I was single for about a year when I met my fiancé and being with him helped me forget about my ex.  The pain of the breakup weighed heavily on me and eventually dating my fiancé helped me to move on.  At the time I thought that moving on meant that I was over my ex but I am beginning to realize that I just buried my pain in the relationship with my fiancé and tried my best to move on.  My fiancé is a great guy and I can not say a negative word about him.   He would per perfect for any woman I just think that he deserves to have someone love him the way he loves them.  I am scared that I won’t have the courage to cancel and will end up marrying someone I am not involve with.  I do love him but I don’t feel the sparks the fireworks or the thing I felt with my Ex.  I don’t know what to do please helped.



Dear Trapped


You say you know that this person, your fiancé is not the man for you, yet you said that he is good enough for any woman.  There seem to be something about him that is good enough for anyone else but you; which makes me wonder if deep down you feel that a love like this is not one that you deserve because you feel guilty. Sometimes we reject that which we think we do not deserve and a indication of this is when we can’t find a reason.  You say you have nothing bad to say about him but you know that even with that notion he is still not the man for you.  


Sparks, you describe yourself as not having them in comparison to your previous relationship with your ex who had sparks but ended in heartbreak.  Sparks are not indicative of true love.  Like fireworks they disappear in the darkness and all that is left is often the memory.  More lasting is a person who has been there for you, who you can’t say a negative thing about and helped you get through a very difficult period and now wants to dedicate the rest of his life to you.  


In no way is my advice to go through with the wedding but to thine own self be true and at least find out why you are so sure this man is not for you. Ask your self “Do I deserve this man and am I afraid that he will think or discover my fear".  We all fall short of the glory at times ; none of us is perfect; but we can find someone who makes us believe in ourselves and the power of love.  Ask your self if that has occurred here.  What does the perfect man for you: looks like, acts like, shows you, treats you like and makes you feel about yourself.  After you’ve answered those questions compare them to your fiance, if he meets the criteria then search deep for what the real issue is with you and make the decision from that place that is concrete and certain instead of fear and doubt.  I hope I was helpful



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