© 2015 Dannie Grandison Proudly created By Dannie Grandison email:dannie.grandison@gmail.com          

Which is more exhausting, being depressed or faking that you're not ?

March 1, 2016


Which is more exhausting, being depressed or faking that your not?

We want to belong. 
At our core I believe, 
that most of our problems, 
stems from us not wanting 
to be alone;
not feeling like we don't belong 
and realizing that we may just be 
as average as we feared we would not be. 

Our stress, anxiety depression, anger, abandonment issues all of it 
at the core bleeds from being alone, 
fear of it, memories from it, 
unhealed scars still lingering 
from the last time 
we had to admit that 
we were alone. 
We silently suffer in 
the fear and silence 
of loneliness because 
we live in a world 
where the only thing worse 
that being alone 
is putting your guards down 
to let someone In 
only to have them 
remind you painfully  
of why you chose being alone 
and not belonging in the first place.

We don't want to be alone 
but sometimes we are forced to be 
and the madness from it is 
making us sick! Sick! Sick sick!. 
We are dying from isolation 
lack of connectivity. 
We look around and the people 
that we are suppose to 
be connected to 
most of the times, 
we aren't. 
They know a version of us 
the ones we've sold them 
sometime the version 
we've sold ourselves. 
Our Facebook,Instagram,Twitter version 
where we smile and everything is great 
while our hearts ache for someone 
we can tell 
that we are not ok 
we are not grounded or sure
or aware of what is happening 
in this world we live in. 

It's just another day of 
Good Morning America, 
General Hospital 
Entertainment Tonight 
and Jimmy Kimmel or Fallon?
Does it matter?
it's another day,week, 
hooray it's 2016 
but our calendar is stuck 
because a part of us is frozen 
in time and space 
trying to figure out 
if we are alone and depressed 
or depressed and alone 
does it matter?. 

If this doesn't apply to you 
please keep it moving 
and don't share your thoughts 
or opinions 
because I don't want to pretend 
that I care because I don't. 
It's hard for me to remember 
the last time I cared about me 
let alone you 
and your thoughts 
and point of view 
not today maybe tomorrow 
but if it looks a thing like 
how it feels today 
I wouldn't hold my breath 
because I can't help you 
when I can't breathe 
suffocating from this 
thick air from the fear 
of letting my guards down 
to prevent perpetuating
this cycle of this piece 
saying we have problems 
because we are alone 
while keeping to myself 
trying to be alone 
with my problems.

Yes life isn't this dark all the time 
great for you keep it moving 
out of my space 
I'm in this place 
alone and haunted 
by false expectations 
of what it could be 
if I could live outside the walls 
of the fear 
breaking down the walls 
of the net and distance 
created or imagined.
At my core I believe that 
most of our problems stems 
from being alone on our own 
emotional orphans 
with no emotional home 
just roaming around in the dark 
please help me to stop giving up 
loosing hope with air sometimes.
It's hard to Coexists with the sadness 
which feels like madness 
eyes wide shut 
I can't feel or sleep 
just a robotic existence 
of the version of me that 
I wished was not 
so alone intentionally 

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